EDC 2025

Dear Diary,

In November my friends Jelte and Maaike hosted an EDC party. It sounded like a lot of fun so I went. I got on a bus and then a train and then another bus and then an aeroplane and then a better train and arrived in Leiden. When I arrived at my hotel there was nobody there (I need to fire my manager) so I met with my friend Hunter. I played collector as we walked around town and found plants and closed restaurants but no holy grail.

The next day was the start of the tournament. After dinner with friends old and new, I went to the venue where there were even more friends old and new to meet. Then we started playing diplomacy. In the first game I got to play Austria. I like playing Austria because once upon a time I played Austria really well and my BADASS friends gave me a red bear. I hope to win another bear. This time my friend Thijs is playing Turkey and stabs me, so I have to turn into a grumpy old man and not let him take my centres. I am good at being a grumpy old man but this is not a good way to win bears.

The next morning was the second game and I got to play Italy. Some people think I am good at Italy because of a video they saw on something they call U-tube from 2021. This game did not go well because my friend Alex was playing Austria and decided to take Venice from me. I fought to take it back but that meant that my other friend Mr Ed took Tunis and won. I am impressed that a talking horse can win a game of diplomacy.

A lot of other things happened this day. We ate a Dutch lunch. I was very happy for my friend Davide because Dutch lunch is his most favouritist food in the whole world. Another thing that happened was that my friends Bradley and Conrad said they wanted to have an EDC party next year. Everyone clapped and now they will have an EDC party. I had hoped there would be a song and a dance, and then other countries would get up and have a song and dance, and then we would vote and the country with the most neighbours would win. Maybe next time.

Later that day we got to play another game and I got to play England. My friend Gavin thinks I am good at playing England but I think he just has PTSD. I manage to take over both Moscow and Spain but forget to defend my homeland. I try to talk my friend Camille out of taking my centres but she just looks at me with a look that says “I am going to take your centres. You know I am going to take your centres and you know there is nothing you can do about it”. It must be opposites day because I am supposed to be the one giving other people those sorts of looks.

After the games we had a group dinner and then some of us continued at a bar. Including my new friend Nathan but he was not having the adult beverages. I say that if you play an adult game, then you can drink an adult drink. I will have to talk to his Dad about it.

The next day was the Top Board, which is a Very Big Thing but I was not on it because I am overrated. Instead I did sideline commentary with Ed (look mum, I’m on teh internetz). In addition to being a talking horse, Mr Ed is a lawyer who has been in front of the Supreme Court, which is what USAians call their High Court. I wonder if he has ever told the person with a funny wig that a man’s home is his castle. As I was sidelining I didn’t play. This also meant that my friend Darcy wasn’t sidelining and got to play. I was happy for Darcy because if there is one thing Darcy likes more than playing diplomacy, it is playing even more diplomacy.

At one point on the top board some people started saying that my friend Brandan was throwing the game which wasn’t very nice. What had happened was that my friends Mikalis and Tanya were in an alliance and attacking Brandan, probably because they were jealous of his luscious Viking hair. Brandan and Tanya came up with an agreement that broke the unholy alliance in a way that heavily favoured Tanya. Under the pressure I’m not sure Brandan realised the extent of the help he was giving until afterwards. When I was younger, and in my prime, I used to play top boards all the time. So I know about the pressure and have done dumb game-changing things under the pressure.

In the end Tanya won. There was also another Dutch lunch (Davide was even happier than the previous day!) and an awards ceremony. We all celebrated Tanya being better at diplomacy than the rest of us. We found an Aussie pub and an Italian restaurant and ended up singing happy birthday to Maaike.

The next day I left. I was sad because I was leaving all my friends but happy because I had a fun time and also happy because I know that in May my friend Spyros will have a party, except that his party will have the letter W in it instead of the letter E.

The End.

[Editor’s note. The author may or may not have spent too much time recently with the collected works of Sir Doris.]